What is

I recently had a discussion within the world of Education to parse out the difference between evaluation and assessments. We concluded that evaluations include judgements/rubrics/cross-comparisons and were more formal in nature. In an assessment you see "what is" and take it from there, they can be frequent and low-key. Both provide great information.

This crosses over to something I'm working on (<---case and point) in meditation. Okay re-phrase, this is something I would like to transfer into my practice. I've been hoping to set a better intention for myself, mantra, or whatever that I can come back to for a couple of weeks. What I've realized is I've been searching for a goal rather than intention (thank you, internet).  Just like an assessment, an intention does not have a required result. Goals, like evaluations, may imply that something needs fixing, or there is something I should be or do.

So maybe what I will spend time asking myself is:

Do I have what I need?

My first instinct, funny enough is to say "no!" but perhaps if I look deeper I might see that some of these things are petty in the long term. It's a similar panic to what I experienced yesterday in Hancock's fabrics. I drove up and saw enormous yellow and red signs reading "Going out of business!" Not just this one, but all of them! So then I was trying to align my "needs" on the pre-scribbled list in my hand with my "future needs" plus the reality of my bank account.

Wants, needs, expectations...rinse, repeat!

Happiness in 60 Seconds

Nones and Nuns

I recently passed my 1 year anniversary of meditation. For the sake of curiosity, I have stats from my app, not that they really matter.

Average Duration-15 minutes
Number of sessions-229
Total time Meditating-55 hours

That means I practiced 62% of the year, over half! This is pretty neat, I am proud I committed to something new.

A switch in lifestyle afforded me time to get to know myself better as well. I am more aware of when I am upset (for better or worse). This makes it more possible for me to confront my feelings instead of sweeping things under the rug. I am also more aware of when I am happy and healthy and take extra measures to appreciate those moments.

"I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, "If this isn't nice, I don't know what is." -Kurt Vonnegut

On Being with Krista Tippett recently featured Nathan Schneider re: The Wisdom of Millennials. This podcast introduced me to the "Nones" (I hope this is an amazing and intentional "Nun" pun). It's a reference to the generation(s) of people who identify as spiritual or religious but are not affiliated with anything in particular.

I like learning about how other people cultivate inner strength and make a community.

This year I made my own meditation pillow-success in many realms! I often wonder if prayer and meditation serve the same purpose for people. I wonder if it is a matter of what priorities or intentions people set-similar to the difference between music educators and music therapists-similar practice with different goals.

In both, I think you invite the outside world to come in, to get outside of your mind and work on creating space for all thoughts to pass-whether they are positive/negative/other. I discontinued membership to a meditation app, because I feel ready to study and gather wisdom from other sources around me.

Call to Action

Hello,

Shorter/Hancock

5 Steps

Shout out to a pal who recommended the following: http://tinybuddha.com/

I have been working on doubt. Doubt can be powerful, but it is merely thought.

Perhaps ask yourself why doubt has come to tell you stories, but don't allow stories to masquerade as truth.

In a moment where you feel disconnected:
* Name 5 objects you can see
*Touch 4 objects and describe what they feel like
*Listen for 3 sounds
*Imagine or experience 2 tastes (tea, eat a chocolate slowly)
*Take 1 big breath

“Serenity comes when you trade expectations for acceptance.” ~Unknown

I've been delivering myself "I should" phrases instead of accepting feelings as they are. In an episode of Rick and Morty, Jerry (the father) yells "relaxation is a paradox!" I am working to acknowledge unwanted thoughts/feelings rather than scolding myself for having them.

Medi-taste

Yo, I know this is not really my forum for food, but I enjoyed writing out this recipe for my sister and find this process to be delightfully time consuming. Great activity for date night in my opinion. My favorite part is washing the rice and having an Amelie moment and feeling the cold water and grains on my hands. It's like a walk on the beach but in your kitchen. Some of the items are annoying for a 1 time deal, but hopefully you will like it enough to do it again!


Need:

2 packs Nori (each comes with 10 sheets)

Soy Sauce

Rice Vinegar

olive oil (or butter)

1 ½ cups sushi rice (try the bulk section of whole foods)

Avocado

Red Bell Pepper

Asparagus

Cucumber

Shiitake Mushrooms (about 2 handfuls)

Honey

1 bamboo sushi mat (amazon)

Optional: Wasabi, Green Goddess Dressing, pickled ginger

Rice:

Rinse the rice in a pot and swirl it around to wash off the starch, drain and repeat at least 3 cycles, it helps the rice become the right amount of sticky. Boil the rice about 20 minutes until soft, and add about 2 tablespoons Rice Vinegar (or more to taste). Add in about a tablespoon of honey (or to taste). Empty onto a baking sheet in a ½ inch layer to cool.

Prep:

Cut Shiitake mushrooms into thin strips and sautee with Soy Sauce, 1 clove garlic and olive oil. Store mushrooms in fridge until rice is at least room temperature and ready to roll! Cut the remaining veggies into thin strips and set in bowls/cups. I use a spiralizer to prep the cucumber.

Roll:

Have 1 bowl water handy for dipping your hands into to help keep them rice-free between rolls. Set bamboo mat down and put a sheet of plastic wrap on top. Then take 1 sheet of Nori (shiny side on mat, rough side up) and dampen your hands with water. Take 1 handful of room-temp rice and press it onto the sheet in a *thin* layer, thin is good! Take your veggies (don’t forget your mushrooms in the fridge) and arrange them in a row closest to you-thin is still good! Roll the Sushi, use the plastic wrap+mat to add pressure, making sure not to roll the mat/wrap into the sushi. Now you have a tube of sushi! When cutting the roll, use your sharpest cooking knife to slice the loaf. Allow the knife to cut without added pressure. Have a glass of warm water and towel nearby to dip the knife into and wipe clean between each cut. Serve on plates with soy sauce in ramekins, set out wasabi and pickled ginger if you like. I like to dip the sushi in Green Goddess dressing & soy sauce!

Self-Care

I admittedly took a "break" from active meditation. It certainly was not due to time shortage! I had the longest break in recent memory to spend at home in California where I was able to reconnect with friends and family.

It was a welcome juxtaposition to where I was emotionally/etc. the previous year and I reflected on how fortunate I've been to be able to actualize personal goals.

As a grad student I have had time to think and reassess what I want from myself on a micro and macro level. In and out of meditation I often consider the words, "Don't just do something, sit there!"

The "glorification of busyness" certainly had (has) power over me and I was reminded of that during nearly 6 weeks of unscheduled free time. I was initially/periodically restless but engaged with goals I found to be meaningful uses of time. As the weeks rolled by I was amused by the exponential projects I suddenly did not have time to complete!

Recently I watched the video Humans Need Not Apply. At the conclusion of the video, my boyfriend expressed optimism at the prospect of more accessible free time and enough food to sustain humanity. I was disturbed on multiple fronts, mostly on a social level. In the best case scenario, people will have more down time and I am not sure we will all make good choices. Unstructured time is the number one thing you try to avoid as a teacher in a classroom! Yes, people find ways to amuse themselves, just not always in a positive way. If you are like me, you are also frightened by the thought of a widened class gap, which is also disastrous.

What great job security in a way-assuming you are a leader in a soulful profession like ministry, exercise instructor, artist...

With more free time, will people redirect themselves toward self-improvement? Or will we be unable to look at ourselves with honesty and prioritize the mending of shortcomings as our highest priority?

Anne Sullivan (teacher to Hellen Keller) was the Valedictorian when she graduated from the Perkin's School. She has the following to say about "self-care"

"We can educate ourselves; we can, by thought and perseverance, develop all the powers and capacities entrusted to us, and build for ourselves true and noble characters. Because we can, we must. It is a duty we owe to ourselves, to our country and to God.

All the wondrous physical, intellectual and moral endowments, with which man is blessed, will, by inevitable law, become useless, unless he uses and improves them. The muscles must be used, or they become unserviceable. The memory, understanding and judgment must be used, or they become feeble and inactive. If a love for truth and beauty and goodness is not cultivated, the mind loses the strength which comes from truth, the refinement which comes from beauty, and the happiness which comes from goodness.

Self-culture is a benefit, not only to the individual, but also to mankind. Every man who improves himself is aiding the progress of society, and every one who stands still, holds it back. The advancement of society always has its commencement in the individual soul. It is by battling with the circumstances, temptations and failures of the world, that the individual reaches his highest possibilities.

The search for knowledge, begun in school, must be continued through life in order to give symmetrical self-culture.

For the abundant opportunities which have been afforded to us for broad self-improvement we are deeply grateful."

Pillow Talk

So my new jam is that I have a sewing machine and plan to get real crazy with it.

One of my first tasks is to build a meditation cushion, since the floor isn't quite getting me there.

I had an unexpected medi-talk with someone in my "music sangha." He mentioned how it's annoying that meditation has become main stream, and to a point I agree. I also know enough now to understand that it is a hard thing to fake. Sure, you can pretend to be more calm or enlightened-but that won't mean you actually feel better, so what's the point in that? I don't enjoy thinking about this in the sense of being contrarian, but I do like thinking about faking meditation. If you sit still just to go through the motions, won't it count just the same? Would faking it be more like telling people you do it when you don't?

Would it be like those times I'm trying to get through a meditation streak in order to pass 1 month of headspace to a friend and I let the guided talk play through my headset while I mill about the house....? True confession. Now I'm thinking 'why I would want to pass it along if that is what I am doing?' but I honestly feel overall it's been a great set of training wheels. Some of the specialized packs just are not my cup of tea.

Would faking it be those times I'd rather just take a walk outside? Once you begin to train the mind you can bring awareness into any moment. These days, I've been writing papers ad nauseum and slipping deep into my own head. Sometimes I have to ask myself, "Can you feel the weather right now?" "Are you actually looking at your boyfriend?" "What does this coffee taste like?"

Somewhere I read that meditation is the only time you will be awake if you are not careful. If you live in your thoughts all day, how different is that from dreaming other than you have slightly more influence over the plot line?

Non-sequitur: This same pal told me something neat about his girlfriend which answered an important question in my life. I've asked myself what is the best thing to do for a homeless person in need?

Her answer: have pre-made care packages in your car to hand out. (water+snacks)