Mental Rollerskates

Day 16 and happy to report some relief from turbulence.

Excerpt from an email to my boyfriend:

"Day 16 meditation, trying to silence Chatty Cathy; I think I'm starting to send her by on roller skates instead of taking her to dinner in my brain."

Maybe allowing thoughts to pass makes room to have more thoughts. I should allow all of them pass through. It's seldom good ideas are completely forgotten. I keep ongoing lists in my phone for nearly everything-from good jokes/stories to songs I would like to sing at Karaoke (Let the bodies hit the floor-Drowning Pool, I like the way you work it-Blackstreet, I hate everything about you-Three Days Grace). Perhaps show some restraint and dash to the phone list after sessions.

I'm having a few moments of real nothingness during meditation-emphasis on moments. Milliseconds where I've noticed "nothing" and immediately my brain will shout out, "I'm DOING IT, Oh no! I'm not anymore!!!!"

Other things that have contributed to a more positive mindset:
1. Re-entering my work/life routine
2. Coming closer to resolutions for upcoming changes

I find that limbo regarding the future is much worse than the outcome-even negative outcomes.

3. Setting a firm practice routine-I've got an exciting performance opportunity on the horizon and I want to be deliberate and specific in preparation. The Wooden on Leadership is a straight-forward reminder on what I need to do to achieve my personal and professional goals.

Currently reading/browsing: Wooden on Leadership
Chez Panisse-Vegetables
This Financial Blog

I spent much of last week catastrophizing events. I see that about 30% of it was unhelpful, and while some of this energy helped me consider solutions, there was also excessive worrying.
Mark Twain quote discovered in Arianna Huffington's Thrive:

“I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”

The Art of Over-thinking

"Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are."

- Andrew Denton

Still working through some definite tension. All self-inflicted of course. Sometimes it's difficult to have options because the "right" answers don't reveal themselves in black and white.

“Alice asked the Cheshire Cat, who was sitting in a tree, “What road do I take?”
The cat asked, “Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t know,” Alice answered.
“Then,” said the cat, “it really doesn’t matter, does it?” 
― Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

Now if only I would relax.

Meditation session 13: Bench in Berkeley outside church, setting and scents couldn't have been better and the temperature was splendid. Monkey mind today X 1000

But I did it

:)

Day 2

Making steps.
1. Worked on BTSA...check
*BTSA is a horrific, time-consuming and expensive project mandated by the state for beginning teachers; if I bit my tongue any harder on this subject, I would no longer be able to play French Horn.*
2. Practicing...process
3. Taxes...will do today
4. Go to gym...check
5. Crying publicly at the gym....check
*Thinking of canceling gym membership*
6. Deciding the 6 month trajectory of my life...in process.
7. Had BTSA portfolio returned for corrections on the same day...see step 1, repeat process.
8. Pay off credit card...check
9. Buy headspace yearly subscription...check
10. Call rental car company for the refund they promised and didn't deliver...avoiding this chore.
11. Ignore the dog as it vomits during your meditation attempt...half check
12. Develop film from my dad's 1983 camera...in process!


Headspace is an app to assist on the journey towards a more balanced mind. Meditation will not solve your problems, but it will make objectivity and your experience of reality more enjoyable.

From what I gather, one trains the mind to make catastrophes bobble like a buoy in the ocean instead of flail, howl, struggle and sink like a mafia member tied to a brick. You are still in the ocean, but you'll keep afloat. I tried the free 10 day trial first, decided to take the plunge!

Day 12 on meditating: Why I overwhelmed by negativity although I am surrounded by positive outcomes? See: Spoiled woman crying at the gym after purchasing a meditation app.

Thinking about meditating....is that meta-tating?

New Beginnings

Why Orffeus? It's a reference to my passion and my profession-music and teaching. The Venn diagram there is rather strong in terms of overlap.

Orpheus, in mythology was ripped to shreds as punishment for doubt and looking back. Orff-Schulwerk is a methodology I study to bring people into realizing their musicianship. Put 'em together and that's what you've got!

Why is there a zero instead of an "O?" Because the internet is full.

Why a blog now? To catalog, vent and track progress. The current situation: Finishing a tremendous stint as a music teacher for ages 2-13, built a program from the ground and now looking into the horizon for a new challenge. I also love to play Horn. I expect much change in the layout of this page overtime and in the layout of my daily existence!

 You can expect to hear about:
1. Food
2. Music
3. Attempting Yoga/Meditation

 Also, you can expect the unexpected.