Making Space

I've broken a +40 day meditation streak by having too much fun over the last 48 hours. Making peace with it although I can't help but wonder what the pay off would be for making it to 60 or 100!

BUT, that shouldn't be my motivating factor to practice. The point is to keep a steady mind and that seems to be happening :)

All of the events I've been holding my breath over are happening, and it's great!

Finished the "focus" sequence on headspace and have begun the "change" sequence. Excited to see what it has in store!

The apartment is nearly empty, concerts are coming to a close...school year wrapping up...recital on the horizon...

Probably there should be more to say, but not everything needs to be said...it's just...going! It's probably a blessing to have so much action to override the dangers of over-thinking.

I'm full of pride and gratitude for everything I have in my life and reflective on the past five years since graduating college. I've strengthened my mind, body, skills and character and I hope to continue to do so. Here comes the new phase!

Making Moves

Feeling empowered by the perseverance I've displayed in the past week, even if every gesture is not immediately fruitful. 

The 9 hour moving sale generated a whopping $40 today (but I spent $10 on posters; half of which were removed before the end of the day...balls). It's still progress; managed to put things in boxes and brutally decided what must go. Washed some surfaces, boxed things. It wasn't so hard just to let people have stuff when I realized the hassle involved in prolonging the process. It's also fun to see people get emotionally charged up about your shit. Very strange to hear them rummaging in your closets.

Not turning profits but perhaps buying peace of mind.

Was accosted by a man wearing an anxious 2.5 foot tropical parrot on his chest...he was offended by my "overpriced" kazoo collection (as was the parrot). He bought board games, a whoopie cushion and was very interested in a 1/3 consumed jumbo-sized bottle of Jack. Then he was upset I was charging 50 cents a towel and wanted a quilt. $10 total. If you and your freaky parrot need to be angry in a blanket, sitting on dirty towels playing 1950's board games and drinking a bottle of Jack...I'm happy to have been of service. Also relieved you are gone and not killing me.

Headstand number two today-it's not a fluke! It's a real thing I can do! Well-the first time I just farted real hard and fell down laughing, so a second attempt was in order.

Recovered from a cold; deep appreciation for a nose that doesn't feel and sound like the final sip of a tepid jamba juice.

Recital prep is going well and my listening buddy says I'm ready to rock! Sorry to repeat myself-but I've outsourced my criticism to a great Horn player who listens to practice sessions and provides notes and vice versa. 

My mind is very active during focus sessions. One thought becomes another becomes another becomes another oh man how longhasthisbeendoingthissaaAAHHH! What a waste if it's not solving something, or at least pleasant.

Trying to notice when I've spring-loaded my shoulders and legs throughout the day. Try to enjoy sparse minutes I can claim to re-set myself. Supposed to have a neutral object to practice on 5 times daily, but that hasn't happened.

15 minutes Run. 15 minutes Yoga . 15 minutes Meditate. 1 hour Practice. Eat well. Sleep at least 8 hours. Be nice as humanly possible.

Onward and Upward

TODAY I COMPLETED MY FIRST HAND STAND!

I think I'm at the brink of re-gaining more control over my mind and feelings regardless of the outside stimulants of trying to move/preparing for a recital/finishing my job/finding a replacement/dealing with "the man"/finishing my credentialing program/being a good friend and family member.


Also re-motivating my practice routine through recordings I'm swapping with a fellow hornist. It's great not to "create and analyze at the same time." When I play, I feel I'm making music for her, not for my own judgment. It's been a positive step in the process.

Chamber Music and a slumber party on Tuesday night re-charged my being. It was a mini stay-cation in the city. Beautiful to share time and art with people I love dearly.

If a tree falls in the forest, and nobody is there to hear it....

PSA I love the library. It is so magical, I hardly understand how stores exist with books in them.

Browsed through a browsable book: Buddha in Blue Jeans

"Listening to others affirms them, blesses them, connects you to them, and harmonizes you with them. Listen without an agenda. Listen without expectations. Listen to the words. Listen to the experience behind the words. Listen to body postures and expressions. Listen to emotional tone. Listen without taking it personally. Listening gets you out of your self centered camp. Listening is kindness. Enjoy listening to others. You will learn this through sitting quietly."

I'm trying to listen as much as I can before a momentously transitional summer. I'm moving from California to Texas by August! I'll spend my summer involved in lovely weddings and in my second home (maybe it's become my first)-the redwoods for my 11th summer at music camp.

This means EVERYTHING MUST GO by May 28th-ish....

Segue to other literary droplets...

Nature by Ralph Waldo Emerson

"In the woods we return to reason and faith. There I feel that nothing can befall me in life-no disgrace, no calamity...which nature cannot repair. Standing on the bare ground, my head bathed by the blithe air, and uplifted into infinite space, -all mean egotism vanishes."

I'm excited to see what the forest has to tell me this year.

I'm stunned by the extra minutes I squeeze from my day if rested enough. I waste time periodically on account of my phone or the internet; addicted to the belief that I will be thoroughly entertained by a friend/family member/ article/meme. Most of the time I am just wasting it...what I really need in those moments is rest because I'm too lazy to do something meaningful. Often times great texts/emails are received when you've walked away and engaged with something else!

I've been on a 3 day crafting binge. Jewelry, party favors, decorations, notions. The living room looks like a Joann's craft store was shot out of a hot dog cannon. Add unfolded laundry and a sprinkling of instruments, sheet music....and just avoid the kitchen completely. Actually the bathroom's pretty sick, too.

Reached 15 days in a row of meditation (I first typed medication, but that's not true)!  I'm glad I started this practice when I did because I could be overwhelmed by life right now. The bottom line is everything I am experiencing is joyous. I got everything I asked for.

I don't want to become a shitty Cathy cartoon, all caught up in shutting down power/30 day notices/selling things. There is so much to savor while I can.

Today I learned how to make mayonnaise. I steamed an artichoke, sat in the front yard, enjoyed the weather and listened to an otherwise restrained neighbor lose his mind watching the Clippers game!

Handstand progress, I'm UP! But then my ass pulls me to the floor, gravity check! I keep trying :)