15 Minutes

It's been awhile! I finished the creativity pack, and it was...an experience. I don't think I'm more anything, but that's fine.

I'm on on level 3, which is pretty much 15 minutes of silence. Perhaps it is that I feel somewhat at ease and settled or maybe it's just nice not to have a moderator stirring up thoughts as I sit. I'm at a point in the school year where it's easy to feel agitated and unthankful. I try to remind myself how much I wanted to be here and how wonderful it is to have achieved a goal, and that life in a new city is an adventure worth enjoying.

Meditation has been easier to experience. I think still of my version of the Vetruvian man; not reaching forward or backward too much, but preparing to make the most of this day.

Before I meditate I wait for the hot water of my coffee to boil. I press the button to get the water heater working, open the front door and look out at the trees and stretch until I hear the hot water heater click to tell me it's done! I also think about how I am one person and there are many others (even within eye-shot inside their homes) experiencing thoughts and worries like mine. As the coffee steeps, I meditate.

I try to take deep breaths and pay attention to the parts of my body I am thankful for. Even if I feel pain somewhere I try to remember all of the things that don't hurt or annoy me (usually I am thankful for a non-stuffy nose). I have a very hard time sitting still. I try to say "okay" to everything that tries to volley for my attention thought-wise.

That's just where I am at. Perhaps I would like to invite more thoughts on the kind of person I am trying to be.