I'm doing the 30 day pack for creativity. Andy (the announcer) asks you to imagine your creative spark to be a small globe of light which radiates from within you, and then emit light out as far away as you can imagine. After a few days you're asked to make a doodle or sentence of whatever pops into your mind first.
It has yielded some strangeness. I would go as far to say that I don't feel any more creative, except that Halloween is coming-so this could be a situation of correlation v. causation.
Whatever, I love pinterest and making things out of my own garbage can, but wouldn't exactly call that meditation...
I'm looking forward to the next challenge pack for 15 minutes of complete silence. When I hear a lot of chatter during the guided meditation it kicks up my mental chatter, too.
Now, maybe you think, "Why don't you just sit in silence for 15 minutes?" To that I say, "You have a definite point, but some of this exercise is about self-awareness, accountability in a new practice and trying something with as much of an open mind as I can muster."
Life overall has been great!
Friday, October 23, 2015
Monday, October 5, 2015
Blog Like a Buddha
A good friend of mine lent me Walk Like a Buddha by Lodro Rinzler
I am tempted to provide insights, but instead I've opted to share highlights/thinking points.
Sangha- A group of Buddhists who will walk with you on your path and provide support and honest feedback which includes "calling you on your s***."
I feel I have a couple of naturally occurring sanghas in my life, recently my new colleagues at school.
"If you are not interested in changing as a person, don't meditate...It highlights your habitual patterns and neuroses and gives you a chance not to engage in that activity so much."
"Your work is to discover your work and then with all of your heart give yourself to it." -Siddhartha Gautama
"What I would recommend is that once you have determined the quality or qualities you want to have as a core tenet in your life, you write this statement out. You can print it out on nice paper and frame it...but make it something that you will actually want to look at regularly. Then post it somewhere that you will see it..."
"In this moment we can connect to our basic goodness. If you are brave, do that. Do not think about the past and how things used to be. Do not fantasize about future consequences. Just be one with bravery and trust your basic goodness to guide you."
I am tempted to provide insights, but instead I've opted to share highlights/thinking points.
Sangha- A group of Buddhists who will walk with you on your path and provide support and honest feedback which includes "calling you on your s***."
I feel I have a couple of naturally occurring sanghas in my life, recently my new colleagues at school.
"If you are not interested in changing as a person, don't meditate...It highlights your habitual patterns and neuroses and gives you a chance not to engage in that activity so much."
"Your work is to discover your work and then with all of your heart give yourself to it." -Siddhartha Gautama
"What I would recommend is that once you have determined the quality or qualities you want to have as a core tenet in your life, you write this statement out. You can print it out on nice paper and frame it...but make it something that you will actually want to look at regularly. Then post it somewhere that you will see it..."
"In this moment we can connect to our basic goodness. If you are brave, do that. Do not think about the past and how things used to be. Do not fantasize about future consequences. Just be one with bravery and trust your basic goodness to guide you."
Monday, September 14, 2015
The Worst
Enjoying a new read from a pal, Walk Like a Buddha. Page 11 has an anecdote about asking a room full of meditators to raise their hand if they succumb to distraction during their practice. Then ask the room if they think that would make them a terrible meditator, and likely many hands would come back up. Then he comforts the reader with, "there can only be one worst meditator-so it's probably not you."
I had a pretty good session this morning, unfortunately this peace was quickly shredded by the "mandatory" safety meeting I am required to attend. Of course I could not find the building and was almost late.
Just kidding I was accidentally a half hour early and I'm one of four suckers who is actually attending. Can't wait to repeat my success+sucker=suckercess tomorrow for diversity training.
I feel twice as foolish for losing myself in a swirl of panic right after meditating.
It's like there is a Mom version of me with arms crossed over her apron scolding, "Now, what did I just tell you not to do?"
Me: panic.
MeMom: and what did you do?
Me: have 6 heart attacks.
No more emails with red ink please.
Saturday, September 5, 2015
Tea for two
"Whenever Mara--the shadow side--appeared during the Buddha's life, his response was simple and liberating: "I see you Mara," and,"Please, come…let's have tea." In that spirit, this talk explores three approaches to relating to fear with a mindful and compassionate presence. "
Credit to Tim Ferris podcast with guest Tara Branch. Not Michelle branch, nor Tara Reid...
Mara...not just an Indiana Jones reference?! It's interesting that the story of Mara came to me twice through media this week, when I'd never thought of it before.
As I understand, Mara represents darkness and chaos. When the Buddha encountered her, he extended an invitation.
Was yesterday perhaps tea with Mara?
I feel lighter and more still today, perhaps because I will see loved ones soon, but perhaps because of yesterday's detox. My session today was surreal -did it in the airport.
Friday, September 4, 2015
Dreadspace
Completed day 3 of part two for the Anxiety pack.
This one is the hardest series I've ever done, and maybe it is because of the current circumstances of a changed environment. I don't want this time to think or rest.
As I go, I am supposed to recognize thinking versus feeling, and then note if that thought or emotion is a positive, negative or neutral one. Then let it go.
Today I had a big solid block of grief. Deep dark Mahler-style grief. The grief of impending loss. A torrential sadness bigger than myself, like it was coming through me and not even mine.
What an awful thing to make space for, but at the same time, it was in me and maybe I've leeched some of it.
Luckily, I'm flying out tomorrow morning and will get to see my family and friends from home. My boyfriend is coming back with me as my roomie! It is important I don't deny myself a support network but also to continue to persevere/strengthen this practice.
This one is the hardest series I've ever done, and maybe it is because of the current circumstances of a changed environment. I don't want this time to think or rest.
As I go, I am supposed to recognize thinking versus feeling, and then note if that thought or emotion is a positive, negative or neutral one. Then let it go.
Today I had a big solid block of grief. Deep dark Mahler-style grief. The grief of impending loss. A torrential sadness bigger than myself, like it was coming through me and not even mine.
What an awful thing to make space for, but at the same time, it was in me and maybe I've leeched some of it.
Luckily, I'm flying out tomorrow morning and will get to see my family and friends from home. My boyfriend is coming back with me as my roomie! It is important I don't deny myself a support network but also to continue to persevere/strengthen this practice.
Monday, August 31, 2015
Oh Bouy!
For all two of you who read this, rejoice!
I will be applying some extra effort to this personal project upon the universe's invitation via an assignment in my Psychology of Learning class.
More to come, but wanted to mark this shift in style/content :)
I will be applying some extra effort to this personal project upon the universe's invitation via an assignment in my Psychology of Learning class.
More to come, but wanted to mark this shift in style/content :)
Thursday, August 27, 2015
A Pause
I'm not saying I will quit meditation...
In a recent conversation-it was posed to me that the exercise can be frustrating if you expect anything from it. Which I do it turns out.
I'm working on the anxiety pack, I'm nearly through 10 days but it's a mental assault. The exercise is to stay with the breath and when something arises, identify it merely as thinking or feeling and then return to the breath without chasing the idea.
Although it's meant to be light, it feels like a chore. I'm more doing it to earn the free month trial for a new friend than for myself.
Unexpected Insight: When you are alone in a new place, it's hard to meet others because you do not want to seem to be an open wound. Also-I'm not 17 anymore and I don't want friends for the sake of friends, it feels dishonest. It does not stop be from being friendly; however I prefer the comfort of internet, phone and books until I've restored by personality.
I've switched in the last 2 days to committing to The Artists Way, Morning Pages. Here, you sign a pact with yourself to write 3 stream-of consciousness pages daily. Also, to take 1 hour a week to feed your inner artist with a solitary activity. So far, I've done one page a day. I'm going to read Leonard Bernstein's The Joy of Music to "feed the artist."
As insane as my brain feels, three pages of handwritten angry is too much; interesting seeing as I've exhausted myself turning it over in my mind all hours/days.
The week brought an onslaught of ego-battering scenarios and sagas; like any child's tantrum it seems they cannot survive too long if you allow them to be robust. If you try and tame them, they become increasingly explosive. Meditation was trying to calm my inner toddler and I hope Morning Pages is the mother who shuts the door and patiently allows wailing and throwing before offering comfort to the exhausted toddler/ego.
It's my second day as a student (again) and I'm DYING for homework-which I never thought I would say. The administrative side of re-entry has been (continues to be) so frustrating that a classroom with a teacher (not me) is a cool drink of water (with muddled lemons, ice and mint).
Also on writing as meditation: My research professor asked we draw up 4 or 5 broad categories and track how much time we spend on each element-to be reported on at the end of a week.
It's only been a few hours but I'm already shocked by un-categorizable time lost to multi-tasking and whimsy-chasing.
I've chosen the following-
Sleep:
Study/TA:
Exercise (gym/walking/journaling/meditation):
Class:
Other:
Maybe you're thinking "Hey, where is eating?! Are you a robot?"
I love eating so much that I religiously batch all my meals on Sundays (I cook every meal and divide them up accordingly) so making food and eating it doesn't take up significant time that I'm aware of. Also, it ensures I have something healthy and delicious on hand and become less likely to spend money on a whim.
In a recent conversation-it was posed to me that the exercise can be frustrating if you expect anything from it. Which I do it turns out.
I'm working on the anxiety pack, I'm nearly through 10 days but it's a mental assault. The exercise is to stay with the breath and when something arises, identify it merely as thinking or feeling and then return to the breath without chasing the idea.
Although it's meant to be light, it feels like a chore. I'm more doing it to earn the free month trial for a new friend than for myself.
Unexpected Insight: When you are alone in a new place, it's hard to meet others because you do not want to seem to be an open wound. Also-I'm not 17 anymore and I don't want friends for the sake of friends, it feels dishonest. It does not stop be from being friendly; however I prefer the comfort of internet, phone and books until I've restored by personality.
I've switched in the last 2 days to committing to The Artists Way, Morning Pages. Here, you sign a pact with yourself to write 3 stream-of consciousness pages daily. Also, to take 1 hour a week to feed your inner artist with a solitary activity. So far, I've done one page a day. I'm going to read Leonard Bernstein's The Joy of Music to "feed the artist."
As insane as my brain feels, three pages of handwritten angry is too much; interesting seeing as I've exhausted myself turning it over in my mind all hours/days.
The week brought an onslaught of ego-battering scenarios and sagas; like any child's tantrum it seems they cannot survive too long if you allow them to be robust. If you try and tame them, they become increasingly explosive. Meditation was trying to calm my inner toddler and I hope Morning Pages is the mother who shuts the door and patiently allows wailing and throwing before offering comfort to the exhausted toddler/ego.
It's my second day as a student (again) and I'm DYING for homework-which I never thought I would say. The administrative side of re-entry has been (continues to be) so frustrating that a classroom with a teacher (not me) is a cool drink of water (with muddled lemons, ice and mint).
Also on writing as meditation: My research professor asked we draw up 4 or 5 broad categories and track how much time we spend on each element-to be reported on at the end of a week.
It's only been a few hours but I'm already shocked by un-categorizable time lost to multi-tasking and whimsy-chasing.
I've chosen the following-
Sleep:
Study/TA:
Exercise (gym/walking/journaling/meditation):
Class:
Other:
Maybe you're thinking "Hey, where is eating?! Are you a robot?"
I love eating so much that I religiously batch all my meals on Sundays (I cook every meal and divide them up accordingly) so making food and eating it doesn't take up significant time that I'm aware of. Also, it ensures I have something healthy and delicious on hand and become less likely to spend money on a whim.
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